Our beliefs guide us.

     Over the past month a girl, my girl, has been "forcing" me to attend church with her. Though my ventures to and from the distant building started out as being the one meeting place we had, something came over me that I lost. And I guess you could call that God. Being raised Mormon, which is a relatively quiet church unless I am giving a talk, being thrust into a Presbyterian church has been quite the turn. Amongst the yelling, screaming, dancing, and hand out reaching, I have been able to find some inner peace that I feel as though I lost. No, I am not telling you God is everything. No, I am not going to ask you to go to church before it's to late and your soul is lost. What I am advising is for you to find truth, what ever you feel as though it may be. Nothing to me feels better then the peace it brings. Peace, not of the body and possibly not even my mind, but peace of the soul. Peace in my Being. So, the bible I have begun to read again on my own choice and whether I find enlightenment, God, or nothing, I have at least found peace.

Music is everything(Part II): Prolong The Agony: Hold Fast

I think that sometimes we lose sight of who we really are by trying to be something that people will accept. I can attest to these. Almost all of my time in high school was me trying to impress someone so that way I would be accepted. The problem was how I was going about doing it. I was hiding my real self. I didn't let but the few people who got close to me in. What did this do for me? Nothing, because I wasn't the real me so the people who didn't know that never really became close, and so they all drifted away at moments with ease. If I knew then what I know now, my years in grade school would have been filled with so many more memories and so many more friends. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. I wasn't a complete shut in. I am just disconnected now with that past life because it wasn't a past that was really mine, it was someone elses.

Conformity! Will be the death of you
These waves will drag you under
You've fallen victim to the deep
You'll never reach the surface
As you asphyxiate
The depths have claimed another

This storm will never pass
The blue is so inviting

Can you hear it! ?

What has it come to?
Oppressed and suffocated
The waters creep into your lungs
Just close your eyes and drift away

Anchored down the pressures rising
The twilight fades you're sinking further
Your final breath is all you hold dear
Just close your eyes and drift away

Just when you feel like giving in
You're almost there
Just when you feel like giving up
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/prolong-the-agony-lyrics/hold-fast-lyrics.html ]
You're almost there

Feels like the weight of the world is
Constantly pulling you under
Familiar voices break the silence
Open your eyes the tide has changed!

I feel the breeze upon my face
It should be over by now
Time to wake up
It consumes me
It isn't over now!

You can breath again!

Left to drown in a sea of sorrow
A wake of regret has been stirred

What has it come to?

Oppressed and suffocated
The sea air fills your lungs

Open your eyes and sail away
Sail away
Hold fast until your sun has set
Your sun has set

Open your eyes and sail away!

Music is everything (Part I): Of Virtue: Blood On My Hands

I've decided to start just posting music every time something speaks to me and relates to situations that are going on in my life. You don't have to listen to the song itself to relation to the message it is trying to send. For anyone who thinks it is just a bunch of mindless screaming, think again. I've never been listing to metal and not find something that can relate to anything going on on my life. I am of course posting a song relating to something that has happened to me with the past hour. The heart vs. the brain battle sucks, but it's one that I think everyone faces. This song... is exactly how I am feeling with the battle going in inside.

We went through hell together
And came back with our feet bruised and calloused
Our hearts are bruised
You tried so hard
You tried too hard
To make my life a fairy-tale to the end
What will it take to put this to an end
There is still a hope
That someday we will look back on our mistakes
We said good bye to open fields and blue skies
We walked straight into an endless storm
With tears already in our eyes
We trudged through swamps
Filled with snake
Masked in mens flesh and thirsty for regret
Without a true mans love
Without a true mans heart
He's not to blame, I'm not to blame
Who's to blame
I could not stop you
Even if i tried
I could not save you
Just remember I'd still die for you
Tooth for a tooth I'd still die for you
Bridges fallen, Bridges built
No bridge at all
Those first 10 years they're all washed away
Washed away.

A Day That Was.

Every Day Heroes!

     So I feel it a little cliche to do a blog on 9/11 but I feel that what I need to say needs to be said. I think a problem that I see with most people is that they are not willing to accept other peoples perceptions on things. They have their view of the world, and all else is false. I believe this statement is a clue as to what events followed after the attack. The event that took place ten years ago on September 11th, 2001 was a tragedy. There is no denying the loss of a few thousand lives that day do to terrorism was a horrible event. But I think people lose site of what other effects it has and what general principal I think was shown during this time of confusion. The effects of this day continue to show each and every time someone wants to travel by plane. The effects still are shown every time you turn your tv on and there are stories about the war on "Terrorism". This day lead to a series of events that has taken the country in the direction it is now. But this day also, I believe, was one of the first times in many years where everyone in the country became united. There was no race, religion, sex.. nothing. I was only 9 at the time, so I don't recall it to well other then being in school and the tv being turned to the event, but from the stories I hear, and the articles I read and the views I see, for once.. America was just that: America. It seems that sometimes it takes a tragedy like this to really bring people together and to forget all else. The problem with this it seems though is that it is quickly forgotten. Shortly after the event, people loss the sight they gained, and hate returns to were love and sadness was found. Also, I think one thing people fail to realize is what I hope everyone to see. Let us not forget that many tragedies came before and many more will continue to happen. I think people should not just think about those who lost their lives ten years ago. I think everyone should think about everyone who has lost and will lose their lives to protect people they don't know. Whether it's their job to protect others or it was just someone wanting to do the right thing, I think the real important factor to what happened, is that people can truly be selfless when their lives are on the line to help others. This fact alone should inspire all to want to get along for more then a short period of time and so it doesn't take another tragedy to make people understand who we are as a nation.

Five Seconds to the Clearest of Knowledge.

We are defiantly faced with many choices in our life. Some may be smaller then others, but in the end, everything we do is a choice that we make. From what we wear, to what we say, to were we sit and how we drive; Everything is a choice. I think what some people forget is that with choices, two things always have to be considered. First is a simple economic term called opportunity cost. To get the things we want, we might have to give a few things up. What do we decide is worth it to obtain what we want in the future? I think going to college is a good example. We live on the edge of stress, overburdency, debt, and food and sleep deprivation. All of these is going towards having more in the future with our careers. The other thing that one most not forget is "what are the consequences?". I think that most of the time, this is a lot of peoples problems. They forget that what they do might have more negative effects rather then positives. Your actions can effect many, not just your own. You really have to be careful and thinks things through, find out what you really want, and then decided if it's worth the risk and that it doesn't take anyone out, or at least as few, along the way.

Everything You Need in a few Simple Minutes of Your Time. (Offical Blog I, but any count)

"What you hold dear is a false account.
What you hold dear offers no salvation. (salvation)
Trust in that I'm not right for this. (for this)
Know that I'm not the one to hold you up. (hold you up)
I can't hold you. I can't hold you.

I am guilty, I have fallen: There are things that have come between you and me."

     Before you listen to the song there are two things you must keep in mind: 1) This is the band called "The Devil Wears Prada". They are one of the most popular metalcore bands. What does this mean to you as a listener? It is going to be filled with screaming vocals, heavy drum blasts, sick guitar riffs, and of course Breakdowns. 2) I posted lyrics but they do not go with this song. The album still hasn't been released, so any other song from their new album would be considered illegal.


     The reason I felt like posting song has many reasons behind it. Music is a large passion of mine. I will listen to learn and understand ay genre of music. I feel like when all else goes wrong, music is always the not so silent comforter. When our words fail us, something can always be found being spoke behind our favorite tunes. But I decided to post these particular lyrics from Pradas new album titled song "Dead Throne" to make a point that I had to tell a dear friend of mine just this morning. Sometimes the people we think are the closest to us, and the people we want to be the closest to us, are always not the ones who can bring us what we really need. "What you hold dear is a false account." You see the person in one light, because of the emotions that gravitate towards them, but they are not who them really seem to be. "Know that I'm not the one to hold you up." Even if they wont admit it, you have to be able to see it. They may be too weak to tell you, but you have to look at them with unclouded eyes and see that this is what they are trying to tell you. But I think the last line is most important. "I am guilty, I have fallen: There are things that have come between you and me." You always have to remember that you can not blame yourself for outcomes of situations that occur. Things happen that are out of your control and if you blame yourself you will live with anger for not being able to change what happened. I lived a long time like this so I can tell you it's a life not worth living. Letting go even when you don't want to can sometimes be the only way to find ourselves again and set us on the path to becoming whole.